


What Does it Mean to Be Lost?

by OneGoodEye (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Oblivious Steve, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Romanian lullaby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 03:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1803769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/OneGoodEye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What memories did the Winter Solider gain in between the first fight with Steve and the 'talk' with Pierce?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Does it Mean to Be Lost?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my answer to my own wondering of what Bucky might have gained in between the first fight and Pierce. 
> 
> The Romanian translates as 
> 
> Mamă-Mama?
> 
> Da Lacob-Yes, James 
> 
> Sunt rece-It's cold.
> 
> drăguţ-sweetheart
> 
> Nani Nani is a Romanian lullaby will a translation available if you look it up.

It’s mid-winter in Brooklyn and James is freezing.

“Mamă?” He whispers, walking into his mother’s bedroom shivering.

“Da, Lacob?” Mama says, under the two quilts she’s buried under.

“Sunt rece.” James says looking out the window to find the dangerous winter with its dirty snow that he doesn’t trust anymore than this foreign land he had found himself in.

“You’ll catch a cold, drăguţ.” Mama says, and James wastes no time. He bounds over yelping a little every time his three- year old feet hit the floor, before finally he can climb into the fiery warmth that is his Mama.  He settles down sighing contently, looking at his mother adoringly as she turns towards him.

“Nani, nani, puiul mamii, Nani, nani, puiul mamii, Puişorul mamii mic, Facete-ai, maică, voinic. …”

James falls asleep to the sound of his mother’s comforting voice.

**                              

“Hey leave him alone.” James yells when he finds a bunch of teenagers beating up a kid, in a back alley way. The kid’s wheezing bent over double like he can’t catch his breath.

James’s hopes he’ll still be alive after the fight.

“Oh, Lookie here.” The ringleader says, and James hates him on sight. “We got a pole.”

“I’m not from Poland.” James says, and he’s already going into a fighting stance and sending up a prayer that his mama won’t tan him for getting into another fight.

“Funny.” The kid growls obviously not amused. “Get him.” He growls at his henchmen.

James steady’s himself, and let’s out a big breath right before the older boys meet him.

The next few minutes pass in blur of fists, and blood, with the soundtrack of the smaller kid’s wheeze keeping tempo in James’s ear. Finally it’s just him, and Mr. Ringleader standing, and James smirks as the teenagers face turns steadily red and purple.

“ARGH!” Mr. Ringleader says, charging James.  

‘ _Clang!’_

James watches in shock as the kid who had been getting beat up slams a trash can lid over the top of the other kid’s head.

“You didn’t have to fight.” The kid explains, still wheezing. “I had ‘em on the ropes.”

“My name’s James.” James introduces himself, not having a better response. “James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Imma gonna call you, Bucky.”

And that’s how Bucky meets ~~the love of his life~~ his best friend.

**

“What’re you gonna be when you get older?” Steve asks when he’s ten and Bucky is seven. Bucky is very tempted not to answer him. He’s so hot he feels like he’s going to melt into the sidewalk and he’s not in the mood to be bothered. Even, and especially, by Steve.

“I’m gonna be a baseball player, or a soldier.” Steve continues, and Bucky looks over almost disbelievingly, because well he’s Steve. A 10 year old who weighs 70 pounds soaking wet and who can die from a small case of the flu. 

Then he remembers it’s _Steve_. Steve who doesn’t run from fights, even when his butt is about to be handed to him, and it’s Steve who helped pick up Anne-Marie when dumb Donald Blake threw her to the ground, and it’s Steve who was top of their class because he tries the hardest and he has the best memory.  

He’s Steve, and that’s why he can be anything he wants to be.

“You’ll be the best at what you’ll do, Steve.” Bucky says, and he means it from the very bottom of his heart.

**

“They’re don’t do anything apart.” The principal is raving at his and Steve’s ma’s. “And Steven does whatever James asks him to.” He doesn’t seem to realize how high up the woman’s eyebrows are at each other, or the fact that Steve and Bucky are trying to stifle giggling.

Everybody knows it’s the other way around.

**

“We can built pillow forts.” Bucky says, and he knows it’s not enough.

Bucky’s never really been enough for Steve, and when Steve shuns him Bucky gives up without much of a fight. When he leaves though he sends up a prayer for Steve’s Ma, because if anybody is deserves to be treated like a goddess it should be that woman.

**

Steve is going to flip, but honestly it not’s that bad.

Bucky coughs a little and watches as red liquid drops from his lips.

Okay, it might be really bad. 

**

He’s 23 and he’s going to fight for his country.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Bucky tells Steve, and he can taste the ashes in his throat.

‘ _I love you.’_ He doesn’t say.

**

He feels the steady weight of Steve’s shield and he’s going to make it.

God he has to.

He hasn’t even told Steve he loves him yet.

He’s falling.

Oh god he’s falling.

A glint of blonde hair is all that’s left as Bucky plummets down and down and down.

**

Dark black eyes, with dark shadows are with him when’s his being trained.

Blond eyes and ringing laughter follows the Winter Solider into his first mission. 

Neither of them make it do the second.

**

“Strong as an oak.” A haunting voice sings, and James feels safe and warm.

**

The man on the bridge.

He knew him.

Something in his body telling him.

To protect.

And keep safe.

But he can’t.

Because he’s not enough.

And wasn’t he smaller?

**

Please not the blankness again

**

“The Asset is awake and awaiting mission perimeters.”

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to say something really quick. The little gaps are completely on purpose. 
> 
> Please leave feedback. DFTBA  
> -OneGoodEye


End file.
